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relationships are hard: how to argue + keep it moving

If you’ve been here before, you know I’m a happily married, 27 year old, dog mom. My husband, Greg, and I relocated to Columbus just under a year ago and have ridden the relocation roller coaster ever since. The greatest thing to come out of this move is the realization that if we did it once, we could do it again and we can concur rough times TOGETHER.

Anyway, I’ve said this before, but major changes in a relationship like getting married, moving across state lines, moving in together, getting a pet (yes, thats a big relationship move to me) can be hard and they really show you what you and your relationship are made of.

So, this may or may not come as a surprise to some of you, but Greg and I disagree sometimes (crazy, right?!). We’re pretty different and have had completely different life experiences and upbringings. I was raised by a single mother (props to you, ma, you’re the greatest) and Greg grew up in a two-parent house hold (props to my in-laws because they’re literally two of the most fun, loving people you’ll ever meet).

I think our differences are what have actually kept us as connected as we are. We’ve learned a lot from each other. We’ve talked about the kind of parents we do or don’t want to be, the kind of life we want to live, and how we want to treat each other. That all sounds wonderful, right? but, honestly, like most things, it’s not perfect. We’re not always on the same page because well, we’re human.

So what’s the key?

I’m sure in your relationship, you want to be the best you. You want that Will and Jada, your happiness is yours and mine is mine and then we bring it together and we’re a whole big pot of happiness, kind of relationship. SAME!

Great, so what’s the key to being on the right page and navigating through rough waters together?

Patience!

(ask my long time friends about how patient I am… they’ll laugh)

It seems so simple; just be patient with your partner and yourself and your garden of love and happiness will be in full bloom in no time! It’s not, it’s hard work, but you got this!

After I get into any kind of disagreement with anyone (not just Greg) I reflect on a few things…

Let’s try something:

Think about the last argument you had with your partner….

  1. Think about what you were upset about, how you expressed your frustration, and what the outcome of the argument was (or did you even come to a resolution)?
  2. Think about how you could have done any of that better. Were you upset about something they said? or something they did that you’ve pointed out before that they just keep doing?
  3. Did you express yourself from a compassionate, understanding, and loving place? or did you say something passive and try to hit them where it hurts?

Finally, what happened in the end? Did you talk about the problem, come up with a way to keep it from happening again, and move on? THIS is the most important part. The resolution. I’ve seen and done the whole ‘argue and sweep it under the rug thing’ and TRUST ME that is NOT a resolution. That’s a “we’re good for right now, but that dirt will be back later and it’ll bring friends-olution”.

In any disagreement or argument, remember that everyone involved is just a person. A normal person who has feelings, makes mistakes, has different life experiences, different perspectives, etc and TRY to be understanding. Try to reach a point where both sides understand what happened and want to make it right. if you can’t do this, you’re arguing with the wrong people because anybody who gives a poop about you will make an effort to make sure your relationship or friendship is in good standing.

Thanks for reading! Share your thoughts with me in the comments.Dont be afraid to add something to the conversation (your personal experience, your own struggles, etc), I REALLY want to learn about you too!

with love & gratitude,

stef

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